woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
