that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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