the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Please, let me fuck your mom
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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