I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
