Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
