I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
