he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
