I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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