is your mom at the bar?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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