My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
