Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
