If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
