D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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