i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
