we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
