i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
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New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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