Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
