i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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