Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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