During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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