Midget sex pt 2 tonight
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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