***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
