Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
