kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
