After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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