she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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