just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
