He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
