I hate all girls vehemently.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
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He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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