so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
