I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
