so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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