he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
