She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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