awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
