i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
