I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
