Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
