Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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