Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
