fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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