the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
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Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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