Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
