I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
