Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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