did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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