My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
