Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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