I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
