I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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