...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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