Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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