About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I deserve this hangover.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
