Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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