im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
