trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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