Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
