I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.