all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
one might say we're banned from that church
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction