the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.