White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
