Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"