Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!

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(978): so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole! http://tfl.nu/ivhw

Replies (45) Good night (5997) Bad night (1437)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.

(201): View more from New Jersey

Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....

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(973): She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it. (201): Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella.... http://tfl.nu/9xtz

Replies (18) Good night (6047) Bad night (2211)
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(716): View more from New York

You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...

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(716): You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am... http://tfl.nu/rcas

Replies (16) Good night (1334) Bad night (5414)
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(703): View more from Virginia

He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

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(703): He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job http://tfl.nu/934s

Replies (14) Good night (1799) Bad night (7412)
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(347): View more from New York

triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?

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(347): triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time? http://tfl.nu/50jt

Replies (15) Good night (3923) Bad night (947)
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(858): View more from California

You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...

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(858): You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there... http://tfl.nu/mklp

Replies (5) Good night (930) Bad night (1827)
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(210): View more from Texas

the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.

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(210): the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body. http://tfl.nu/1j67

Replies (6) Good night (1904) Bad night (595)
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(718): View more from New York

He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?

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(718): He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible? http://tfl.nu/fv2h

Replies (3) Good night (857) Bad night (480)
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(209): View more from California

Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!

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(209): Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology! http://tfl.nu/c0oh

Replies (5) Good night (1169) Bad night (382)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire

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(734): Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire http://tfl.nu/5fup

Replies (6) Good night (1661) Bad night (549)
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(818): View more from California

You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.

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(818): You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain. http://tfl.nu/pico

Replies (0) Good night (958) Bad night (431)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.

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(734): Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life. http://tfl.nu/3mco

Replies (3) Good night (771) Bad night (330)
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(+42): View more from

I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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(+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7

Replies (0) Good night (693) Bad night (267)
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(830): View more from Texas

I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

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(830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3

Replies (1) Good night (378) Bad night (284)
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(714): View more from California

Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.

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(714): Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question. http://tfl.nu/s97g

Replies (3) Good night (685) Bad night (238)

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