if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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