Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
